Monthly Archives: April 2007

Don’t Chase _____ with a Knife and/or Metal Spatula

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I’m sure you could think of several words to insert in the blank. Friends, neighbors, animals, shots of tequila…all of these are correct answers. However, the real answer I’m looking for is not a tangible object or thing. Well, now that I think about it, you technically can feel it, but it doesn’t have other properties of living things (or shots of tequila). You can feel it in your head, in your head…zombie…zombie (The Cranberries). Sorry, I’m a little off subject today. The blank in my title should be filled in with the word: hangover. And, the worst thing to chase a hangover with is a trip to a Japanese steak house (any Japanese steak house) where they use knives and metal spatulas to kick your headache up a notch. Bam! (repeat) I had the pleasure of finding this out on my sister’s birthday, and now pass it on to you. If you’re not sure, or don’t understand why it…

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Call Waiting to the Rescue

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Do you remember the last time you experienced a once-in-a-lifetime event? I do. It happened just the other night while I was on the phone. I was getting ready to spend some quality time on the couch designing a postcard to complement a breast cancer awareness campaign I’m doing for the American Cancer Society. The other person on the phone was telling me about a new ringtone they had recently purchased and downloaded to their phone. Personally, I don’t care for buying ringtones, ring-back tones or anything of the sort, but I’ll always listen to a story about them. So, of course, she had to go into details about the song her newly purchased ringtone recreated: Buck Cherry – “Crazy Bitch.” If you’re unfamiliar with the song, no worries…it isn’t important what the words are, because I’m sure you can figure out what I’m describing. She began to sing me the song and as she approached what some consider the…

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Tic Tacs in Tow

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Returning from lunch with the faint taste of jalapeño breath (from the chips), I felt it was probably in my best interest to self-administer a breath test. I didn’t anticipate passing. My failing the test, however, had nothing to do with my negative attitude. Motivational speakers would have you believe the adage that you can do anything you put your mind to. In this case, my mind was telling me to freshen my breath before conversation with another smell-sensing human. A friend in the car had tic tacs. As soon as he offered, I was all about it. Then after further review of my options I realized that I hadn’t had a tic tac in years! Doesn’t necessarily mean that I have had bad breath, but I have not been using tic tacs to treat it. I popped in two tiny tic tacs (original flavor) and pushed them down below my front row of teeth. After letting them marinate there…

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T9 Slips

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Ever heard of a Freudian Slip? If you haven’t, I’ll give you a brief summary of what they are. Freudian slips, or parapraxis, are small errors in your speech where your subconscious accidentally replaces a word in your sentence with something that you didn’t intend. For instance, if you are at dinner and mean to say “pass the potatoes” and instead say “I’m not happy in this marriage.” I’m sure this happens all the time. Which is why if I ever get married, I’ll never have potatoes at my dinner table. They can lead to all kinds of problems – namely divorce. This can happen when text messaging too. I’m not referring to divorce, although, I’m sure somewhere in Hollywood right now someone is doing it. I’m referring to word replacements. However, when text messaging, less of the blame is placed on your subconscious and more due to your lack of the ability to press “next.” In some cases this…

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