Monthly Archives: July 2007

Hi Jean

By | Humor | No Comments

You may be confusing my title with what it says, rather than how it sounds. If you read my blog often, you’ll notice a theme among my titles – they usually rely more on how the words sound, instead of what they mean, or how they are spelled. Just as fair warning, this blog is going to be convaluded with random grouped words. Probably not even complete sentences. See. I’m listening to music, talking to my roommates and writing this blog. I’m also trying to watch The Number 23 and enjoy a Diet Coke, so if I drift off the S.S. Subject, please bare with me. My first distraction involved a trick my brother and I used to pull on each other. When one of us would be showering, the other would fill up a cup with cold water and dump it over the shower door. Shrills would echo through the halls of the house, followed by uncontrollable laughter. It…

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I’d Stay

By | Peeks | No Comments

Everyone, at some point, has alluded to the idea of being able to travel through time. “Nothing I can do about it now,” is a popular one. “Did not see that coming,” is my personal favorite. In a recent article I read online, I learned of an experiment taking place that would test the theory of time travel through backward-causality, among other hyphenated scientific terms. I read the entire article and the outbound links to some of the more vague phrases like: bilking paradox, quantum entanglement and quantum teleportation. All three “hyphenated scientific terms” were initially difficult to grasp, but helped me understand the main topic of the article – is backward causality possible? And, in that same light, (pun intended), can anything travel faster than 299,792,458 meters per second (C, or light). Relatively speaking, (again, pun intended), it takes light on Earth about 1.5 seconds to reach our moon. Albert Einstein explored a similar idea and thought it could…

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Breaking My Fast

By | Peeks | No Comments

Hands down, two of the more difficult activities I engage in on a daily basis are getting out of bed and going to bed. In fact, just last night I complained that I did not like the fact that there are only 24 hours in a day. Not because I want to increase the number of episodes that Jack Bauer can whisper more one-liners, but because I still have so much to accomplish before the day is over. The only factor motivating me to go to bed most nights lies in knowing that I’ll be dragging ass tomorrow if I don’t. So, I peel myself away from my computer and eventually fall asleep (usually while listening to my “goodnight” mix). Last night, it took me three tries to eventually get my lids closed. I don’t think I have mentioned that I’m afflicted with an over-active idea region in my brain. It activates just when my head gets comfortable on the…

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DER

By | Humor | No Comments

Nice little segue into my story… One of my step-mom’s favorite sounds/intellectual jabs is “der.” Which, in the English language is a derivative of the word duh, which means to suggest that someone did/said something obviously stupid. Ask your roommate what his or her address is and wait. End segue. Begin story. Ever have that moment of clarity, where you think to yourself: “the world is going to be OK,” then, moments later, you laugh and think: “what the f*ck is she wearing?” OK, probably a bad example of what I’m talking about, but standing in Williams-Sonoma last night picking up my mom’s birthday present, that exact thing happened to me. Shirts with words can be powerful marketing tools – when used correctly. They can turn heads, invert frowns, inspire laughter or invoke a pause – similar to the most overused and improperly-placed punctuation mark, the comma. (Hopefully, you can see what I did there.) A woman came in with…

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Sometimes I Wonder

By | Humor | One Comment

Frantically looking for something never works – especially if you’re drugged up on Morphine or Valium. My co-worker isn’t the sharpest crayon in the shed, nor the brightest pencil in the crayon box…you’ll hopefully notice the humor in that. If not, please press Alt + F4 (Cmd + Q on a Mac). Bear with me as I work toward a point. This morning, at work, we were looking for a set of keys to unlock two borrowed display cases, and when I say “we” I actually mean just him. I sat at my desk and sprinkled the conversation with the typical sarcastic minutiae one can come to expect from me – more so lately. The display cases were loaned to us by one of our vendors for a conference we attended. The keys were not of vital importance, because the locks were small and could easily be broken into without really harming the case at all. Small enough to warrant…

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Jamaica: Day Four

By | Peeks | One Comment

Easily, my most memorable day. However, while it was very memorable, it has still been a tough one to recall so many days after occurring. I’ll do my best to share all the details, but no promise on the accuracy at which I deliver them. Breakfast consisted of another Big NYAM at Salina’s. Shortly after, we regrouped to begin our adventure for the day. We had a driver meet us at Salina’s to take us out to the Pelican Bar (or, as close on land as he could get us) and Jake’s (a bar with an amazing view). We (Talia, Kale, Erin, Jayden, Zoe, Salina, Big Roy (Salina’s husband), oh, and me) all piled into the skinny white Toyota van that had no radio to speak of, an AC unit that emulated butterfly farts, windows and tires. These were not just any tires – they were the most important tires I have ever been above in my life. This is…

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Proximity Venting

By | Peeks | No Comments

About a week ago, while I was riding shotgun, my phone rang. It was one of my roommates, whom I had seen literally twenty minutes earlier. The conversation went as follows… Chris – Did you put Henry1 on the porch? Me – No. Why, is he still out there? At this point, I turn to the driver – in this scene played by Derek. I asked Derek if he put Henry in his kennel before we left. He answered, “yes.” Chris – No, but he ate two of my cigarettes. Me – And, you felt it necessary to call and tell me, because? Chris – You were on my recent caller list. Me – That has nothing to do with why your cigarettes got eaten. Call Derek. Chris – I know, but I wanted to talk to someone. Me – So, because I was the last person you talked to, I got nominated? Chris – Yes. Tell Derek he owes…

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Obitu(avi)ary

By | Blog, Humor | 2 Comments

You know which ones I’m talking about? They have those bow-shaped wingspans with white circles on the undersides of them. Anyone know what kind of birds these are? You always see them going nuts just before dark when the swarm of bugs clouds around the fluorescent glow of the K’s lights. I only ask, because the other morning on my way in to work, I saw two of them. No, I was not at the Royal’s game. I was pulling into the parking lot at work. Interesting to note that they now have two places they frequent: Royal’s home games the parking lot at my work If anyone else has spotted their spots somewhere, let me know and we can start tracking them, like these little rubber duckies. Now I can move on to my point, which I am usually so eager to digress from. I accidentally killed one…I think. Before you cast judgment toward my feelings regarding animals and…

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Something Noteworthy

By | Peeks | One Comment

Thousands of choices are made everyday and I estimate that most of these choices go unnoticed. They are the simple choices, like what to wear, what to eat and whether or not to make your bed. Other choices have a more significant bearing on your life (unless, of course, you believe in the Butterfly Effect and by making your bed, you may somehow alter the course of time). Do I go with Shells & Cheese and green beans, or Mac & Cheese with broccoli and jalapeños? Obviously, I went with the choice that offered more of a variety of flavor, but what do I want to wash it down with? Milk, or water? Two-percent milk is always a favorite with my dinner. Sure, those are simple choices and either could have the same outcome: I’m full and my thirst is quenched (even though Velveeta stood to gain something from either option). Easy decisions are fairly easy to make (hence the…

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