Monthly Archives: August 2007

I’m Peaced Off

By | Blog, Humor | One Comment

Driving to lunch today, I pulled up to a stoplight and to my right was Herm Edwards! His gangsta lean was so on-point that his gray moustache pressed firmly against the driver’s window of his white Dodge Stratus. I was surprised to see him driving, and to see him driving a Dodge Stratus. Most of all, I was surprised that he has obviously secured a job as a district manager after the Chiefs’ poor performance last evening…let’s review. Our third-string quarterback, Terrell, rushed for more combined yards than our nineteen-million-dollar Johnson. Then, the same QB threw a beautiful interception, spitting distance from our end zone. LJ rushed three times for a whopping twelve yards – no help from our absent offensive line. However, the oooooo, oooooo, oooooo and fooooour (think Tomahawk Chop…thanks Mike), record for the Chiefs in pre-season is not the most obscene thing I witnessed last night. No, that would have to be the Kolich halftime show sponsored…

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Between Nine and One

By | Blog, Peeks | No Comments

Riding down from my mom’s office on the ninth floor, the elevator stopped on the fourth floor. A bubbly brunette eagerly climbed into the elevator and noticed that, oddly enough, I too was traveling to the first floor. Within seconds, she started up a conversation about how happy she was to have a job, and as an added bonus, she also found that instead of being an administrative assistant (embellished term for “secretary”), she would actually be doing more with her degree in law. From the fourth floor to the lobby, I shared in her excitement and as we exited the building together, I congratulated her again on the achievement and parted heading in the opposite direction. As I rounded the corner, I wondered what would have happened had I made a different choice – perhaps said, “lets go to lunch and celebrate.” I run into people every day – from those I barely make eye contact with, to those…

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Emoti(c)on Evolution

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As much as I say I don’t like seeing happy faces (the standard “:)”), super happy faces (add a lower-case “o” for the nose), or super-duper happy faces, (represented by the upper-case “D” for the mouth in place of the right, or closing parentheses), in digital communications, I have to admit they are better than not getting them. While they do add a little splash of joy to the mainly succinct submissions, they are beginning to evolve, just as the technology to transmit them is. They began as effeminate abbreviations like LOL and OMG. Then, shortly began including the more masculine laugh: HAHA. Now, we’re seeing the elusive “z,” as in LOLz and ROFLz. Is anything really that funny? Moderation is key, people. When it gets to the point where I begin reading a text message and it sounds like I’m proofreading an eye chart, then I have to call it quits. I have only received a few blurbs that…

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Animal Tested, Mother Approved?

By | Items to Ponder, Peeks | One Comment

During a half-awake shower this morning, I came to the firm conclusion that my toe hurts (a lot) and the use of animals in testing bath supplies should be ceased immediately. One conclusion led to the other, but it took me a little while to devise how to shape my argument against animal testing in relation to me, my shower this morning and my now-swollen toe. I’m a pretty “green” guy. Not envious and I do not consider myself “pretty.” I’m for the preservation of planet Earth and its inhabitants. I make a conscious effort to refrain from littering, throwing away recyclable goods and peeing in the pool. While peeing in the pool does not directly harm the environment, it does dirty the pool. The dirtier the pool is, the more chlorine it requires and chlorine is very bad for the environment. My continuous search for knowledge led me to an ongoing survey collecting data about pool peeing. Of the…

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with the exception of…

By | Peeks | No Comments

I’m stuck in reverse. If I were defining you on paper, I’d only have an eight-and-a-half by eleven canvas; luckily the Internet has more room. The pixels staring me in the face imprint a tired head’s silhouette against the spackled-white background and beg me to begin, but I can’t. I have nothing to say (title) Thoughts tumbling on low heat mix something barely capable of explaining how I really feel. I play the lottery trying to detain scraps worth hanging on to. No. It really does not work that way. I spend the better half of a summer worth remembering finding the personification of something noteworthy, find it, extend to stars I’m incapable of pinching (far beyond comfortable) and hang on. Ignoring the appropriately titled: afterwards, soon to become “the apparent truth” – I smile and spill. Erase all of that and shuffle through theme songs. None can really set a tune. I tie my shoes and step into a…

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Stay Tuned

By | Peeks | No Comments

Speaking of work…it goes down better with a spoon full of sugar. I learn’t everything I need to know from Marry Poppins. I listen to music while I work. I tried whistling while I worked, but found that light-headed working will lead to lost emails, broken links and mass confusion. (I’m not quite sure how seven dwarfs managed to, but I think it helped that they were cartoons.) Our office is fairly small and houses four bodies from 8:30 to 5:00 during the week, so three other people have the pleasure of sharing in the therapy my music provides. Most days my mood chooses the music, but my mood at work notably contrasts the shade of smile I wear outside of work. The genre in play rotates throughout the week and keeps me sane. Melancholy Monday starts off the week and eventually concludes with a funky Friday grove. The Tone Rangers in the middle of a funky groove. Sometimes a…

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Brief Release

By | Blog | No Comments

My title is not a flatulence reference. I’m going to air something else – a couple of nouns that have the inept ability to get under my armor. The oxymoron “Business Park.” I did a random survey of my friends and found that only one in seven people really love their job. However, the results may be a little skewed because I only have seven friends and one works for himself. You can’t really hate your boss if you work for yourself. Seriously though…the term “Business Park” suggests that business is fun. And, as HOP has taught us all, reading is fun(damental). Not business. Let’s compare parks and businesses. Parks are places we go as children with our parents when they want us to, (focus, because this is going to get somewhat confusing), get dirty playing in the sandbox, squeak our tush down the hot metal slide, meet a girl that thinks we have cooties, pick our nose and show…

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Quality is < or > Quantity?

By | Items to Ponder | 3 Comments

Contrasting socks can make for an interesting day of work. Especially, if they are brightly-colored tube socks that hit about three inches from an uncovered hairy kneecap and are augmented by khaki cargo shorts. Good thing that isn’t the way I dress… Quality over quantity can be applied to an infinite number of situations. And, it can be used to enhance a hard sell, or in defending a soft performance. In general, I agree with the argument that “better” is better than “more,” but in some situations “more” takes the cake. “Quotations.” This morning, as I rummaged through two laundry baskets full of clean clothes in search of matching socks, I realized that I have too many f*cking clothes. I do. I also realized that I need to do a load of delicates. Just so you know, socks, underwear, t-shirts, athletic shorts and pajamas all fall into the “delicates” category and my agenda for this evening now includes a remedy…

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Glo Worm’s Are Still Awesome

By | Blog | One Comment

I once thought that… …if I picked my scabs off, they would magically end up in outer space as asteroids. Now, I know that they just get vacuumed up by your mom and older brothers sometimes lie. …the female squirrel in the cartoon version of Sword In The Stone was cute. Now, I still think squirrels are cute (live squirrels), but I’m much too tall for a squirrel, cartoons are not real and squirrels can’t talk. …I would grow up and eventually become Fievel Mousekewitz’s sidekick. We would run away to New York together and have to fight a wooden monster with fireworks as ammunition. Now, I know that a bipedal, cartoon mouse that can find shoes and a hat in his size must be very resourceful and I can probably learn something from that. …there was no such thing as enough stuffed animals hanging above my bed. Now, they take up space, collect dust and are more-less childish, but…

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