Monthly Archives: May 2011

The Osama bin Laden™ Virus

By | Blog, Items to Ponder | No Comments

It’s amazing how many times I’ve heard that name in the last ten years, more specifically, in the weeks following his death. Earlier this month, Walt Disney applied to trademark “SEAL Team 6” and everyone was (pun in 3, 2, …) up in arms about it, claiming Disney was only out to make profit off of Osama bin Laden’s death. Please be aware, I’m about to get opinionated on your asses. Are you f#cking kidding me? Seconds after the first plane hit, someone was trying to make a profit off of 9/11, and since, almost everyone has. Let me remind you that in the week following the attacks, flag sales peaked to rates at nearly 10x the “normal” amount and a few new songs about fightin’ fer yer country topped the charts. (I could go on, but I’ve got better things to do with my time today.) Come on people…we’re upset because Walter got the idea first? Shame on us….

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Pee Essay

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Pardon my momentary inappropriateness, but I think this may help those who leave the bathroom sans a good hand-washing. Foreword: Washing my hands the other day (with warm water), I felt the urge to use the bathroom – a standing number one, of course. I then thought to myself… “Self, you should always go to the bathroom before washing your hands.” WTF?! Why? I know…I know…I would have thought the same thing, if I weren’t the one thinking of this revolutionary idea in the first place. By always going to the bathroom before washing your hands, you will (hear me out): Always have clean hands after using the restroom Decrease the amount of germs on your hands (see: #1) Reduce the chances of a self-induced urination from washing your hands in warm water Save water, because you will never need to wash your hands twice (see: #3), in accordance with the previous rule (see: below) Always wash your hands after…

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Circumference

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(dtomaloff/flickr) I received an IM this evening from a good friend of mine. It was a video of a grandfather dancing in front of what appears to be his grandchildren/family. Not gonna lie…the guy was pretty good for being a grandfather. At one point, I saw him kick off a shoe. I replied via text to continue the conversation and within 50 characters, the conversation went from a funny comment about a YouTube video, to how short life is, and the importance of dancing like a fool. I take every opportunity to not act my age, because I do plenty of acting my age between 8 and 5. Leaving the grocery store tonight, I noticed a well-dressed man in his late 50s holding several $1s and attempting to defeat that shitty claw game, which never really lets you win. The one that costs $.50 and you get :30 to grab some piece of crap toy from the reservoir, but the…

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